How To Make Peace With The Ugly Beginning

“If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.” – Henry Ford

When Nothing Looks Like Your Mood Boards

In a world of Instagram filters, ugly things are rebellious. 

I have been in an ugly war with acne since I first dipped my timid little toe into the waters of puberty. 

Since then, I have tried just about everything short of accutane- Differin, tretinoin, antibiotics, spironolactone, pimple patches, various cleansers, not eating nutritional yeast, cutting down on dairy, and, of course, plain concealer. 

So many times, I have heard well-meaning internet-people with no dermatological qualifications sell me another easy fix, as though I haven’t already cried myself to sleep and searched the entire internet seventeen times over for solutions. 

Now, it has been almost a decade of pimples and acne scars, a decade of hearing people with clear skin complain about having “breakouts” which look 10 times milder than my face has been since I was maybe ten.

But there is one thing my acne taught me all these years that made me stronger. 

I learned that my reality will never fully match my “ideal”. 

Now, I continue to struggle with acne. 

I continue to struggle with bad days, and failures, and rejection, and insecurity. 

There are days when I feel like I’m losing this big race of achieving success as early as possible. 

There are days when I feel ugly, and stupid, and absolutely worthless. 

Acne made me confront this question: What if your reality is always imperfect?

No one starts with clarity.

We like to think we start with clarity, just because we made the mood board and announced our 5-step process to achieving success. 

The truth is a little murkier. 

While it helps to plan and visualize, clarity comes mostly from action. 

#1: Share the draft anyway.

Long-term consistency > short-term perfection, so don’t wait until everything is exactly perfect!

The longer you wait, the higher the bar will get for what it takes to finally be “ready”. 

When we train ourselves to have an excuse for what we do/don’t do, we form a habit of making excuses. 

Instead, take that first wobbly step. Open up that course you keep saying you want to take. 

Send those cold emails you’ve been meaning to pitch. Knock on the doors of people who will mostly reject you. 

Make bold requests that will likely get denied. 

Ask for feedback. Have the audacity to make mistakes publicly. 

Perfectionism is just another way fear manifests to protect us from the big scary monsters hiding behind true effort. 

So to start is not just about starting; it is about having the courage to face reality head-on, and realize that you are way more capable than you thought. 

#2: Keep a list of “Bad Ideas”.

How many times do we decide not to do something just because it might not work out?

Too often. 

Don’t get me wrong- we all have ideas that if we acted on them, we would regret it later, but what if we had better practice at getting our ideas out of our head, onto a list, and maybe even into conversation with someone else?

This is not about impulse-driven decision-making; it’s about getting your ideas out without the pressure to prove they’re amazing. 

Because let’s face it: most of your ideas will not be amazing.

But if you learn how to capture them and think them through, you will make sure that the day you have a real breakthrough, it doesn’t go by like just another “shower thought” or “daydream”. 

Trust me, that day will come, and it will only be possible because you took the time to take your ideas seriously. 

#3: Ask for accountability.

One of the single biggest motivators for me to make progress in my life is, sadly, the social pressure to follow through on my commitments. 

It is the people-pleaser in me that needs everyone to think she is in control of her life and doing great. 

For most of my life, this has been a shortcoming of mine that I have sought to overcome. 

That is, until I realized it could be turned into a strength. 

What if I leveraged people-pleasing to make sure I do what I say I’m going to do?

I put this idea to the test, and found that it was golden. When I use my career coach or a group of friends to make sure I complete a task or bring a project to success, I am ten times more likely to prioritize that thing and make sure it gets done. 

As sad as it may be, we often care more about what others think of us than what we think of ourselves. Yet, often we are also the only person who can say what tasks are the highest leverage at any given point. 

So bring someone else in on the loop, promise to text them when X is done and Y is submitted. Feel the pressure to not let them down, and soon, you will find it is impossible to let yourself down as well. 

You are free.

Having acne sucks, but it means you learn to stop defining yourself by the quality of your skin. 

Likewise, when you embrace the ugly beginning of a project, or the ugly rejection when you apply to dozens of opportunities that mostly tell you ‘no’, you free yourself to stop being defined by rejection and failure. 

Even more importantly than freeing yourself, you will know yourself. 

And isn’t that the mission of a lifetime? 

Becoming who you truly are.

Thought to Action

1. Make Your “Ugly List”: Write down 5 things you’ve been too scared to start and commit to beginning one this week—ugly on purpose.
2. Create an “Ugly Drafts” Folder: Store your roughest starts and revisit weekly.
3. Try a 24-Hour Debrief: After beginning a project, come back the next day and reflect—did the cringe evolve?
4. Post Before You’re Ready: Share one in-progress idea publicly or with a friend to build momentum.
5. Talk o People In Other Fields: Use these 11 tips to start conversations with people from other fields. 

Sources

No external sources were used for this post.